“Your love is an ocean. An endless blue expanse uncharted. As I drift upon your wake, the siren song of your spirit calls me below, down, to the depths of the ocean deep. I sink beneath the waves, toward the distant black of loves oblivion. Every day beside you, I drown in your love, reborn, anew. I am yours, always”
AWAKENING
This street is our chantry, confessions bared. We stand defiant against the merciless frost locked in resolute expression.
Her words flow, a soul unburdened. Green eyes slick with tears freezing in the frigid cold. She leans closer, red lips confiding quiet secrets shared in discordant communion.
Through this night by amber shine, she searches for a kinship denied. Silenced amidst the noise of daylights masquerade. Hoping, waiting, for someone.
To see.
Through transitory beds she has lain, searching eternal for a bond undefined. Her beauty hiding the inner cold. A longing of words bespoken to idle thoughts alone, trapped eternal by the chaos within.
I stand stalwart, quieted by her raw sincerity and listen, to the angel with the broken wings.
All the love in the world, for this false idol.
For in her eyes, her words, I see
Me.
I have nothing to offer, but knowing. A vague collation of half truths and experience. The summation of a lifetime of struggled resilience. Yet, on this night, it is enough.
For solace.
Her world opens, silent cries given voice. They pour unending,
Rain.
We leave the street and make our way to her home, a warm refuge against this bitter wind.
Alone we talk, of life and love, dreams given and denied, broken souls coupled by circumstance.
She speaks in verse, the eulogy of the lost. Her burdens of regret weigh eternal, tribulations carried beyond release. Salvation, so far from the peace of grace.
No epiphany comes. Her wounds need tending. Understanding is all she seeks, all she needs.
For now.
The night grows colder.
Weariness soon takes us and we slide beneath forgiving sheets. Her naked form enchanted, beauty from beyond the nether.
The light fades and I hold her close, two wearied hearts beating in the darkness.
Silence.
Peace.
Bound in shadow. Hands clasping her figure. We try to sleep, but nature finds it’s course.
Physical, real. Altruism yawns to her fatal curves.
Release.
Her touch, her kiss, ocean waves, existence fades, the fatigue of reality, perfectly destroyed, the interlude of the damned.
Shackles freed.
For a moment, I glimpse the spirit. Distant, but real. I can see.
Again.
No gods or kings.
Her.
I.
We. Ephemeral, dissonant , until…
We divide.
Reality intercedes once more.
Returned.
But not, alone.
We slumber deep, restful. Quieted on this night
A moments freedom. Enough.
To carry on.
Beside me she rests, the angel with the broken wings.
Too young, to fly.
I lie beside her and listen to her rhythmic breathes, wondering how long, until she believes.
Until she sees, all that is within.
But for now, if only for a short time, I lie with an honest woman, who does not yet know.
She is too good for me
One day,
She will.
HOPE
From below, she glides toward distant light. Grasping at shapes estranged, seeking hallowed wisdom in rifts and cracks.
All hope lay in dreams, yet nightmare waits. Her body an offering to false gods, atonement for sins without name, outstretched fingers held toward these demon hands in supplication. Her calls in the night, the song of siren, heeded by a distant phantom who shares this bedlam earth.
And here, now, I look to a wayward sky, as she journeys through starlight to me, and from this beckoning horizon comes the joyous agony of the unknowable.
For, within, I fear delirium has taken us. Distorting fractured memories of connection into divine myth, a hopeful illusion, nourished by whispers in the night.
Shall we bring ruin to a memory, or bind eternal that which has transpired?
All before me lies forfeit. Will peace find us both, or bring more hurt, two dual souls that can bare no more? Yet, with each hesitant thought I am reminded of this martyrs cause.
A crusade toward insights purity, how much, can a heart forfeit, before it is sated by atrophy?
I will, this conscious crucifixion, to bare the cross of irrevocable truth. So that my body shall yield in defeat, forced, to call on epiphanies from Abaddon.
A path to guide me through, beyond this tyranny of yearning, or, to fail once more in hearts gambit.
For I cannot forgive myself, for the things I have done. The depths of my regret knows no resolve, never enough
to fill this hole.
So I place absolutions need, as all cowards, into the hands of another.
To she who bares the name of a dead prophet in female guise
Find me.
Amen.
ROOM 2145
She appears from Arcadia amidst the chaos of this night, my heart shutters as we meet, fear lingering in the periphery of my mind. For all I offer, is this damaged imitation of a man. Cowed by guilt and anguish from a world not my own. Burdens from all I cannot control. A taint I cannot cleanse.
But she turns, and smiles, a laughter to evanesce this lingering doubt.
We move beyond, into the night, to our secluded refuge. Here, we find a world that has closed its eyes, bereft of noise, a somnolent city.
So late, the outside world calls not for us. We share a quiet drink and soon, move to our room, above the city streets into quiet surrounds.
Alone, with her,
again.
Liquor flows, as duplicitous pacts wane with each sunken glass.
She beckon me closer, tales of her world flow, unhindered.
By mercies light she splays across the bed. This quiet refuge, where asylum finds us both. I lie beside her as consequence filters beyond into the night. Free from bonds that tether me to a world not my own.
Eyes of the ancients. a primeval forest of verdant green, piercing sculptured jade, penetrating. A smile to rekindle life in gods long dead.
And from her lips comes the blessed call of virtues fallacy. Her soul forms before me, fables of dissonant roads taken as she stumbles blind into perfect dark. Wild and untamed, laden by trials faced in solitary. A river of ire. They coalesce, forming cold scars that shape her essence.
But on this night she returns from her exile, unburdened of the taint of sins not her own.
Until.
She appears from the mist.
Cleansed of folly. Reborn, in embers wake. She needs no saviour. Cognisant of her dark rumination. All I can do is heed her call.
And In this maelstrom of divine regret, I feel the echoes of all that I am. Reflecting mirrors across distant spaces, and my muted burden, is my gift to you, for no words within need voice. All has come from you. I heed your valiant prose, unfiltered, beyond callous refrain.
True.
Real.
My mind slows, all thoughts from beyond the confines of this hotel room erode. You move closer, and the sum of all yearning is unleashed.
Hands around my shoulders, eyes and flowing hair.
I lose all will, acceding reason.
We kiss.
You are
beautiful.
It is a good night to die.
I grasp your hair, fingers moving softly through satin locks as I savour the last of the world’s beauty.
You pull me inward, will failing with each touch. The dying breath of promises sacrosanct. Slowly we fall beneath sheets as I succumb to all you are. I give myself to you, like no other. Past love eroding to decadent relics, nameless and vacant. For your heart brings forth all I have never known, an enigma that touches into depths unexplored. Exposed, glimpsing auroras glow.
I kiss your neck, as clothes slowly fall away to alabaster white, fresh snow revealed on your earthen figure. Nature beckons in concert, cooed affirmations of willed vitae.
To have you,
I would burn this world.
As you lay beside me I stroke your long form, fingers lingering across blessed contours, shapes tracing downward between legs sublime. Your body pulses in chorus, heavy exhalations, sanctified in this righteous folly . Lips across your frame I trace arcane symbols towards the source of Gaia.
My mouth finds you, the taste of union unrestrained.
Liberating moans, a ritual of obsecration.
Your fingers sink into sheets, as you escape to realms beyond the mind, physical,
overcome.
Cool air flowing in and over you,
Eyes igniting, your hands clutch my body as we embrace.
Above you.
Within you.
My blood turns to fire. The heat of Sol encompassed.
Revelatory.
Rhapsodic movements.
Staring into eyes wide, starving lips returning, relentless.
Until,
the loop of ascension closes.
Together we rise, legs and arms enfolded. Breathless.
Entwined in form, we are, a perfect creation. Sculptured humanity. This fugitive heart finds a momentary home. A temple of peaceful respite, freed from the listless call of realities raw sting. Your heat moves through me, a naked mantle of warmth beyond the depths of the soil below. A hyperborean refuge. Your breasts pressed tightly against my chest, heartbeat pulsing against my skin, bound in silent empathy, for all that has come before and all that may begin.
I feel your lifeblood flow through us, a primal reminiscence revived. Reminded, of the untamed realisation of an existence made worthy.
Creation born.
Weakened by this tortured need, I cannot hold you tightly enough. The punishing ache of true happiness, a joy of belonging.
Within this fusion of bodies, I see now, what I have forever desired. That which I have always yearned, the grace of an eternal form, forgiveness and hope, enraptured by a spirit beyond.
Yet this earth has made this hope an illusion to me. bereft of light and darkened by the failures of all my eyes have seen.
As I linger within you, in this moment of euphoric bliss, You awaken a dormant calm, a bittersweet acceptance in all things, an empty vessel,
filled.
Until, our bodies stir, once more.
Intemperate passion, Eros manifest.
Again, again, again.
Returning to passions fury through night.
All sense of presence beyond the room recedes, vanishing in this epoch of apotheosis
As time drifts towards daylights ascent, we coil, nestled harmonious, and we sleep, a Cimmerian slumber, entombed in a silent concord, I have never known.
Arms folding around the most precious soul these recreant hands have ever touched.
DAYLIGHT
Alive, as the day yawns. The sun spills through glass, painting murals of light across scattered clothes and twisted sheets.
I know where I am, beside you.
Home.
A waking kiss, you stand and slowly move toward the window. Your naked form, draped in silken light, curtain wrapped around your elemental body, arching back towards some extant utopian dream. Life in still motion, yet no way to capture you eternal. I gaze, focused and will my mind with awed intensity. A trance of religious fervour.
No lens beyond my eyes alone worthy of capturing this moment.
I conjure vows surpassing all taken before, I can not forget… I will never,
forget.
For this, is all I will forever have, of you. So I bind this moment, a profound covenant that even death may not take. It shall live eternal, beyond me, a moment of humanity that will linger in the infinite. Memetic dust to drift eternal in the abyssal black. Returned, to the elements of the stars of creation.
I rise, and walk the mendicants path, wrapping my arms around your waist. We lull here, staring not outward, but within. I rest my head against you and meditate on all that has transpired.
Amity in passions wake.
Around us, poison bottles half consumed, relinquished and abandoned to blinded want. Torn wrappers lingering, emptied of their content, a haphazard collation of tempests trail.
Bodies starved we move from our torpor, into the bathroom. I stand in naked defiance, this new harmony of form, at one with myself. I step into the shower and let the warm water flood over me, cleansed of disquiet.
As my mind slowly begins to return to solidity I feel your arms around me. Lips across my neck, so too, again,
all falls away.
I wash your body, hands across model flesh. Each lingering touch savoured.
A portrait, art in motion. I watch the water streak across you. Beads of refracting light glimmering incandescent on pearlescent skin.
From within comes a call, ferocious.
Want.
Raw, intense, prostrate.
All too consume you.
Yet it is not your body that I covet, I want.
Every part of you.
The sentiment lingers as I watch you slowly dress, clothes wrapping fatality concealed.
Enough to kill.
Slow graceful movements, the voyeurs parade.
This exquisite torment.
Together we journey into daylight reprieve. Your clothes form walls and I miss the gentle caress of your naked form. Want, for that which lies beneath.
So by waters edge we eat, ravenous from our transgression. the harbours beauty paled by your company.
Sated, we list along the boardwalk, gazing at the passing crowds across the bay. Thousand of voices colliding, reverberating across the still ocean. Life, is for the living.
And we,
Live.
The raw wind runs through us, so we find safety in what we know. By bars vigil we drink and share legends of our past, sagas of love, loss and perdition. A disjointed narrative of destruction laid bare.
The sum of our survival synthesis.
As you leave to refill our glasses, I sit alone, reminded, of so many nights lived
and died.
Here,
among the city of memories ruin.
Of lovers past, ash and bone, weakness succumb. Ghost thoughts that drift immortal on circular wind across this intimate landscape.
They come for me, ethereal demons, carrying their lamentations in whispers as I pursue this endless fantasy.
How many must bleed, for my own delinquency?
I shake my head. Defiant.
It is different.
This time.
Leave me, to my savage plight.
I smoke and as you walk towards me, they abate. I sense it I the way you move. The ways my eyes linger across your form.
Freed by your presence, you keep me from myself. All roads prior obscured as I lose my way, to wander toward your spirit.
Together, we laugh at old wounds, unwinding bandages for display, cracked plaster crumbling, walls riven, bruises exposed.
Finding truth in chaos past.
Within me, my truant heart stirs, more than the empty will of biology.
You bring a consolation, to a soul wearied by time.
Yet this table divides us and as I stare across at you, I feel a limerent call to consummate this nights symposium of the damned.
We leave and on our way to Eden we pause to amass our Caligulan elements. Libertine, vinous and carnal collations.
Teenagers in heat.
The cab ride an eternity, until we reach our door.
As we stumble into our room, champagne is uncorked and we drink to our union.
The celebration does not last.
I look over you, your aberrant beauty impossible to resist.
I touch your face, moving a finger across red lips, your seductive smile rousing a desire from within, impossible to ignore. We place our glasses down and I bear witness to Armageddon in female form.
Idolatrous thoughts linger as I lie down and you straddle me. I will you toward me, kissing in the soft light, hands under your clothes, sliding across your skin, upwards across your stomach. Your dark brown hair flows down, across my face, strands falling across my neck.
I open my mouth and kiss you.
From below, in depths unknowable, it stirs.
My hands move upward, over your breasts, your top slowly easing over your head. I take you in.
Such a visage,
unearthly.
I hold you still, eyes transfixed. Immovable. Your bra tight across you. I slide my hands beneath and stroke your supple form.
Slowly, I allow a strap to list and fall across your shoulder.
I hesitate.
Perfection.
I do not move.
Eyes entranced, beholden to a moment pure. Your figure numbs me.
Slowly you ease forward, another strap falls.
Clasps withdrawn.
You are mine,
Lusts encore.
We lose ourselves, to the famine of our souls. Consumed by all we have been deprived.
This world relents, abeyance, a moments freedom from all that waits beyond.
This gift.
Tenuous,
fragile.
We do not waste it.
Adrift in this chimerical sea, hands clasped tight.
Above you, within you, beside you. Liberation by touch.
In this tranquil calm we drift euphoric, coiled tendrils fusing into blissful unity. Silken skin sliding in perfect harmony, raw lips locked in an endless embrace. Staring into empyreal eyes, a glimmering constellation of the dark divine. Taken beyond into realms of the nameless.
And as we lull, into waking sleep, I lose myself, time fragments into moments on this island of reprieve. I watch you, a restful calm free from the oppression of racing thoughts.
So here, we hibernate,
I stroke your forehead, slow and rhythmic and watch you fall away into the beyond.
A symmetry of perfection.
As I close my eyes, I soar high, beyond myself, through divine canyons and mosaic skies of crimson and amber.
Released.
LOST
I lie in quiet contemplation, your body between mine and sheets. Arms, legs and hair in chaotic imperfection.
I do not wake you, but stare, enchanted as daylight boils its way into our room. As it rolls over us, I feel our precious night cremated.
As you stir I wonder, who will wake before me?
Light, flesh or ghost
Is this real?
As your open your eyes, my fear withdraws, gentle fingers across my face. Your smile, bright enough to light the darkest corners of this hollow earth.
You move inward and slowly ease the sheets above us.
They cover our bodies, our secret world beneath white. Hidden, untainted.
Pure.
Staring into eyes of sparkled malachite I see, finally, eyes not windows to the soul but reflections of all we wish to be.
Within.
A kiss. Deep, passionate. The summation of all we ever were.
My body stirs and the cycle begins anew, yielding to a manic worship of the flesh.
This final dance.
For our time is fading and soon all will end, decadence fading to memory as you leave to a life beyond mine.
Separated, serpentine paths of pilgrimage to travel alone. I fear now, that anarchy lay before me. A godhead ruin in female form. Thoughts of you consumed. Blinded, by want.
Yet, such a fate is preferable, than that which I truly fear. Not to lose you, but the terror, of forgetting
Here. Now.
Of all we have done.
So I write this,
for the real tragedy of times passage, is that moments merely linger in fading minds, slowly evolving, contorting, twisting to memories false. Imperfect summations of the past, as if, we had never lived them,
at all.
The sun slides behind the city towers and our room fills with shadow.
Our time has come. We slowly pack, conscious of all we have done.
I fold your clothes, each piece as if wrapping layers of my heart.
A solstice of carrion.
We walk, a silent journey, our bodies sapped of strength. We eat and softly speak, a disquiet running through our veins.
For the first time in my life, I cannot find the words I wish to speak.
A final kiss…
It is not enough.
I place you into a cab.
And you,
are gone.
I stand on the street and watch you slowly disappear.
A specter in the dark.
Lost to me.